Thursday, July 28, 2016

Dear Lillian

Oh, I am a terrible blogger. I have some great news from Carrabba's to share and an amazing shipment of wine to chat about.

But First! (See what I did there? Please tell me you are watching Big Brother)

Two weeks ago. Just fourteen days. My life has changed forever. I am a mommy! I really am! As I am laying here for the last time by myself this morning with tears streaming down my face, I get to introduce to you this miracle of life. 

Please meet Lillian Kenna! 


Yes! It's all happening! We get to bring her home from the Halifax Hospital Spa (also known as the NICU) today. It has been an amazing couple of weeks and I have been soaking in every minute. 

I opened my eyes today and promised  Freja (my beloved cat) that she would always be my first baby. I have cried like four times thinking about that scene in Lady in the Tramp when they ignore Lady when the baby comes. Interesting, I didn't cry during the Showtime documentary also known as my daughter's first couple of days if life... but throw the Disney movie in there and I can literally barely compose myself.

I have taken over 400 pictures but as a writer, I have failed. I wrote some words of wisdom the day the adoption was finalized then poof. Hopefully, much to your dismay this blog will further serve that selfish purpose. 

Things I know for sure:
* Would like to punch my former self with a "my child is not taking a binky" mentality. That lasted an entire two minutes of her life. 
* may or may not have said thank you when someone said how good I looked for having a ten day old. 
*it's amazing how much everyone knows about everything. 
* the truest of life form can not but help itself but show its true colors in any big time life event. Sad.
*I will unabashedly and courageously make this all about me and my husband and my child.
* I truly don't think I will ever sleep again because I have to look at her every minute. 
*Bodily functions mean nothing when they are your own (Daddy is working on this)

This is a sneak peak of what I wrote when that dreaded forty eight hours wait period was over and all papers were signed. 

Dear Lillian,
Today is your third day of your life and the first day of mine. I can't tell you how it feels right now. I want to scream, I want to jump up and down and I want to hysterically start crying. Pretty much at the same time. I can also say that I don't actually believe that you are mine. I think this is what they call shock. Today your daddy and I got to hold you for the first time. You looked with your eyes open for a little longer today. I have nervously asked the nurses if you were by chance a puppy. You don't know this but they don't open their eyes for a couple of days, nor did you!   
A family of three. #tableforthree
How on Earth will I sleep tonight?

And so, my life begins.





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